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Learnings that Last

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I’d like to think that the work I do has lasting effect, so I was thrilled to hear from a client after many years who told me she was still using life skills from a workshop I taught a long time ago.  It confirmed for me that crucial concepts and skills – the ones they never cover in school  – can indeed be learned with ease and efficiency. 

Sharon (name changed) was motivated because she wanted better relationships in her life, both personally and in her university teaching environment.  I was impressed with the way she made conscious use of what she learned, immediately and for years.   In her words:

 
“You know that you learned something of value in a workshop when it was 20 years ago and you’re still using the techniques!  When I signed up for Marlene Winell’s communication workshop, I assumed that I would learn how to express myself in ways that would magically eliminate all misunderstanding and draw my listener to my way of thinking.  Instead, I learned a different kind of magic – empathic listening -- that forgotten element of communication that makes it all work.   I discovered that the world is not starved for clear speaking—it is starved for listening.
 
“A simple but good example is the encounter I had with a hiker.   My friend Laura and I were minding our own business on a trail one day when we passed a man determined to blame some difficulties with his dog on us.  I was pretty sure we’d not done anything particularly vile, but I was also not fond of being yelled at, and in fact, it was a bit frightening, given the isolation of the place.  The man’s behavior was so unreasonable that it was (thankfully) not difficult to remember that I had powerful communication tools, so I began to use them.  Within seconds, he transformed into a non-yelling, almost-apologetic human being.  We discussed his dilemma and he left, whereupon Laura looked at me with admiration bordering on disbelief:  “How did you do that?  I could have never done that!”
 
“I’ve discovered that when I pause and remember to use these particular techniques of responding and expressing—a challenge in itself--I can be amazingly effective, and do so from a position of integrity and compassion.  True listening is not an easy thing to do—it requires energy and focus.  However, if we truly understand what another person is saying, and let them know that we understand, all sorts of barriers are removed.  It is the beginning of communication!
 
“This is only one of many ways that my association with Marlene—so many years ago—has been a real gift.  I also learned life-changing lessons about perception and reality, and how to resist the impulse to jump to conclusions about what others think and what they must mean by this or that action. This insight alone manages to save a lot of grief. 
 
“I have also grown in the art of living in the moment – using tools that help me appreciate the fact that each day is littered with small gifts.  Recognizing those gifts is what gives focus to our lives.  It helps us take each day out of the blur of time as it races past and treasure it that day.
 
“I appreciate many qualities about Marlene—her humor, intelligence and compassion, to name a few, are exceptional.  But what I carried away from our interaction was a veritable “toolbox” of strategies that not only solve problems but enrich my life.  These are not fads, they are not the psychological version of The Next Big Thing (think grapefruit diet?)—the tools work when you learn about them, and they keep working—in my case, for time that is becoming decades!”
 
Sharon is an inspiration to me.   I still teach the communication skills and she has reminded me why.